Hello and happy Monday!
This is Susan Hyatt and it’s GO time.
This is the 86th episode in a series of GO mp3s to wake you up on your Monday morning and get you going.
In this episode I’m talking about the question, “Is it ‘wrong’ to want to be looked at?” and sharing a personal story about how I answer this question.
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Wanna read the full transcript? Here you go:
The other night, I was getting dressed up for a swanky event. I put on a backless dress that I love. My husband Scott looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
“You’re wearing THAT?” he asked me. He was frowning and looked very miffed about it. “All the men are going to stare at you.”
“Well, that doesn’t matter,” I told him. “I’m not wearing this dress for MEN. I’m wearing it for ME.”
I explained to Scott that when I do fancy hair and makeup, or put on a fancy gown, or put on ANYTHING for that matter, I’m doing it because it feels fun to ME. My outfits are all about MY pleasure. MY self expression. MY style.
I was reflecting on that conversation with Scott a couple days later. And I realized that this whole conversation is about so much more than just… a backless dress.
As women, we’re constantly told that we’re too big. Too fat. Too much. Too everything. We’re told that we need to tone it down. We’re told that we should hide ourselves—physically, sexually, intellectually—or the consequences might be severe.
When a woman wears exactly what she feels like wearing, instead of covering up, you know what? That’s an act of radical defiance.
Like I explained to my husband Scott, when I decide that I want to wear a backless dress, I’m doing it because I feel like it. Because it’s fun for me. Because I like the feeling of silky fabric on my skin. Because I think it’s pretty. Because it brings me joy. And ALSO because I spent so many years “covering up” in so many ways, and I’m DONE with that way of life. Never again. Hell to the NO. These days, I wear whatever I feel like wearing. Period.
There’s another piece to this whole conversation.
Sometimes… I WANT people to look at me. I’m OK with people looking at me. I know. GASP.
Yes, I get dressed to delight myself—not to impress or pacify other people.
But with that being said, why is it “wrong” to want to be looked at? To want to be seen? Admired? Why is “commanding the attention in the room” seen as a “bad” thing?
When Beyoncé stepped onstage at the Grammy’s a few weeks ago with her gold crown, chain metal bra, flowing yellow silk cape, and huge pregnant belly, you better believe… she wanted you to LOOK. Male, female, everyone in the room. Everything about her outfit screamed, “LOOK AT ME. All eyes on the queen.”
Everywhere she goes, Beyoncé commands people’s attention and she makes no apologies for doing so.
Why should I apologize either? Why should you?
I firmly believe that it’s OK if you want people to LOOK at you. It doesn’t mean you’re a “slut” or a “bad feminist.” It means you’re a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. It means you own your sense of style, and you’re confident in your feminine power.
You can dress to delight yourself and ALSO you can want people to look at you. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.
Here’s my challenge for you this week:
Have some FUN while you’re getting dressed throughout this week. Wear whatever the hell you want to wear. Do it for you.
And you know what? Let people stare. Yup, people might stare! It’s OK! Their jaws might drop! You might get stopped on the street by an adoring fan who needs to know where you got your amazing jacket! If that happens, let it happen. I mean, let’s be honest… you’re pretty foxy and amazing and spectacular to look at. 🙂
That’s all for today’s episode. Short and sweet! Oh, and if you feel like it, post a photo of your favorite outfit of the week on Facebook or Instagram and holla at me when you do. I would LOVE to look at you.
It’s GO time.