April 4, 2013

Married 20 Years: Love Despite Snoring and Trauma

[framed_video column=”full-width”]http://vimeo.com/63345812[/framed_video]

Anyone who says that true love shouldn’t be hard is either lying or an asshole. Or both. Those kinds of messages cause great people to walk away from one other. Which we almost did…once upon a time. But after 22 years together, and 20 of those married, I’m proud of what we’ve built. It’s the kind of love that makes me grateful and weepy and indulgent.

If you find yourself craving connection, romance and intimacy, it’s a good idea to bring that to that table instead of waiting for someone to bring it to you. I’ve learned how to show others the kind of love that I want to receive. I’m not perfect at it, and I still act like MADEA sometimes when I don’t get my way. But overall, here’s some goodness for you that I am proud to share:

  • Believe that you ARE love. There’s no getting it from someone or something else.
  • The shit will hit the fan. You can handle it.
  • You are not a character from Wuthering Heights, Friends or even 50 Shades. That’s a great thing. You get to be you.
  • Ask yourself if you are building connection or destroying it. Stay aware.
  • Don’t hide money. But do have your own.
  • You are responsible for yourself and how you feel. Yes. You.
  • There is always another chance and another way. Love loves resourcefulness.
  • Share who you really are. Don’t let someone love only part of you. Or a false you. You deserve to be seen as you magnificently are. Cellulite and all.
  • I’m sorry. I love you. How can I make this right? Those words never get old. Say them.
  • Here’s what I love about you: ________ Also never gets old.
  • Real love takes a loving mindset, the strength of an honest to goodness vulnerable human being, and some divine elbow grease. You are it. Spread it.



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