The other day, I’m lifting weights at the gym and a music video comes onto the TV.
It’s that new video called “Fade,” which is a Kanye West song. Except Kanye doesn’t appear in the video at all. Instead, the video features Teyana Taylor: a 25-year-old singer, dancer, and choreographer from Harlem, NYC.
If you haven’t seen this video yet, do yourself a favor and watch.
Personally, I’m not a super-huge fan of Kanye’s music—it’s just not my thing—but daaaamn. It almost doesn’t matter if you like the song or not because Teyana’s dance moves are smoking hot and totally mesmerizing.
As you watch the video, it’s obvious that this woman is clearly in LOVE with dancing. She has found her passion and she’s turning it OUT. She radiates. She glows. You can’t peel your eyes away as she leaps and swivels across the screen. Oh, and… her body is insanely toned and athletic.
So there I am, in the middle of my bicep curls, watching this video at the gym.
Two women are standing close by, watching and talking amongst themselves.
Woman #1: [awestruck, respectful tone] “Wow, her body is seriously incredible.”
Woman #2: [snarky tone] “Yeah, but her boobs are probably fake.”
I felt so irritated by Woman #2’s comment. I almost marched up to say something—under normal circumstances, I probably would have!—but I was exhausted from traveling, jetlag, a long drive, and a really tough workout, so this time, Woman #2 slipped away without receiving the Wrath of Hyatt.
Instead, I’m venting to you.
Here’s why I’m so irritated:
As women, far too many of us have a nasty habit of tearing down other women that we deem too successful, too pretty, too fit, too nice, too rich, too creative, too… whatever.
There’s that woman running a 7-figure business. “Oh but… I’ve heard that her marriage is falling apart.”
There’s that woman who just completed an ultra-marathon. “That’s great, I guess, except she’s a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t have to work. So.”
There’s that woman whose blog is super creative, uplifting, and positive. “I bet she’s a bitch in real life. You can never tell who someone ‘really’ is on the Internet.”
It’s like we’re incapable of watching a fellow woman shine “too brightly.”
We always have to pull out that rusty knife for one quick jab.
I’m saddened to say, I’ve absolutely indulged in this type of gossipy, snarky behavior in the past. I think we all have. But I’m becoming increasingly aware that it’s destructive. It’s violent. It’s completely unhelpful. It’s a misdirection of our energy and attention… and ladies?
It’s got to stop.
The next time you see someone looking amazing, feeling amazing, glowing and shining and loving her life to the max… RESTRAIN YOURSELF from snickering and spluttering out a nasty comment to “bring her down a notch.”
Instead of assuming the worst, or starting cruel rumors, just let her be.
Just let her shine.
PS. Quick tip: if you feel that knee-jerk urge to say something snarky about another woman, ask yourself, “What if she was my daughter?” or “What if she was my best friend?” or “What if she was right here with me in this room? Would you still say it, then? Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.
Focus on elevating your own life rather than snarking about somebody else’s.